dardodel ba sedahaye mobham…

Harf…harf….hameja. 24 saate tu jangam. Chi mikham beshnavam, VAGHAN beshnavam va chio mikham bezaram az gusham rad beshe? Sakhte…talao abtalaro tashghis dadan. Harchizi ke bargh mizane tala nist. Ino midunam. Ama har talayiam bargh nemizane…talayi ke zire khak munde bashe, gard gerefte bashe? Maybe… Inja vastadam, zanuham mohkam, paham seft ruye zamin. Tu dastam ye safkon ke khodam ba angoshtaye khunio zakhmi aaz khar baftam. Zire barune harfa migiram ta vaghat kalamehaye haghighat raheshuno ta darune vijudam peyda konan. Nemidunam…ba har ghadami ke barmidaram, bishtar ehsase naamni mikonam – Donyae bozorgiye – Bishtar mifahmam ke panahi vujud nadare. Ke dard dare. Ke bayad injuri bashe. Mifahmam ke tabiat begheyr az in ke zibao azade, sardo birahmam hast. Safkone zangzadamo mindazam dur. Harfa vahshiane kalamehashuno rum khali mikonan. Hezaran seda mishnavam, hezaran kalame. Mokhalef, dastkari, takzib, durugh… Khoda khodesh midune cheghadr sakhte be khubiha iman dashte bashi, vaghti sedaye khodet ke hamishe arumet mikoneo nemishnavi. Na sedaye khodeto, na sedaye khodaro. Engar unam az in hame seda shokzade shode bashe va sokut mikone…maybe. Inja vastadam, bedune hich jahatyabi , rahnamayi…. Nemidunam be koja beram. Dombale kodum seda beram, vaghti na mani hast na toi…koja beram? Tu yek dastam farshe nime baftemuno gereftam, un yeki dastam khaliye…hala be koja? Miduni, ye kam ehsas mikonam mobhamam, gomrah…. Felan hamechis ye zare sakhte baram. Engar un khershaye abi ba kolahaye suratishun vaghan vujud dashte bashan. Are khooob, hadaf ke daram, eshtiagh eshgh be zendegi be khoda be jahano hamechis…daram! Mitunam khersaro pudreshun konam…ama ye jurayi ye chizi darunam kheyli sarde. Nakone un atishe ghadimi dare khamush mishe? Khafe mishe? Nakone bade gharbi dige be atisham nafas nemide? Jalebish ine ke daghighan midunam bad az in blog dobare por az energy khaham bud. Dobare tasmim migiram ke be khubiha iman dashte basham, be zendegi. Dobare mesle bache hamle mikonam be harchi mobhamiye tu donya…ama chizi ke kame…chizi ke jash darunam khaliye…kalamehaye haghighatan. …Kalamehayi straight from the heart.

be zamin khordan

Emruz ke az doktor bargashtam, raftam ye dore kuchik tu parke nazdike khunamun zadam. Barfaye ruye zamin hanuz kamel ab nashode budano yakh zad budan. Kheyli sor bud zamin. Mesle bachehaye kuchik ke taze yad gereftan rah beran rah miraftam. Aghlamo ama mesle yek ensane bozorg be kar andakhte budam, pamo koja chejuri bezaram ke darsade oftadan kam bashe… Koli sargarm shode budam, dar jostejuye yek barg, ye jaye khali, ye sang…ye chizi ke pamo betunam mohkam bezaram rush. Kheyli khubam pish miraftam, zud yad gereftam chejuri ba sharayet kenar biam, ferzo ba etemad benafs az ruye rakha rahe khodamo peyda mikardam….

…ta nemidunam chi shod ke pam liz khordo ba kamar oftadam zamin. Zud dorovaramo negah kardam, hichkas nadide budam, hichkas birun nabud. Shoru kardam be khandidan, koli khodamo masghare kardam. Hamunja ruye zamin mundam, deraz keshidam, khandam kamkam be yek labkhand tabdil shod…

Chera? Chera oftadam? Man ke enghadr havasam jam bud? Enghadr khub rah raftano yad gerefte budam? Enghadr be khodamo ghadamam motmaen budam…Chera? Yani ghodrati vujud dare ke vaghat vastade ke halamo begire? Rumo kam kone?

Hamunjuri ke deraz keshide budam doro varamo didam. Negam ba zamin yeki bud. Derakhta hame hayula budan darbaram. Asemun mesle yek kafan rum deraz shode bud.

In paieen hich ghoruri vujud dare. In paieen ba kermha, ba khak, ba sefr dar yek radeyi. In paieen chizi be name dorugh vujud nadare, hamunjuri ke hasti hamunjuri hame mibinanet, nemituni khodeto bozorg neshun bedi, in paieen vaghat haghighate. In paieen hamechiz tabiiye, na esme khiabun, na plakat, na tablighat, vaghat khako sango rishe.

Bazi vaghtha bayad bokhorim zamin, harcheghadram ke zanuhamun mohkam bashe. Bayad bokhorim zamin ta chizaye abadio bebinim. Bayad bebinim ke un derakhtaye ke shahane dame khiabun istadan, rishehashuno dar khak zadan. Bayad bebinim ke hamun khake ke zire pamun hazere deraz bekeshe ke ma betunim rah berim. Bazi vaghtha bayad bioftim zamin ke dobare yademun biofte az chi dorost shodim va be chi barmigardim.

Bazi vaghtha bayad bokhorim zamin ke chizaye baarzeshe zendegio be yad biarim….

Raze derakht

Mesle yek derakht, ke dar zamin rishe dare va taajesh asemuno lams mikone, bashim.

Dar taaadoli kamel, ke zamino asemunro dar yek jesm motasel misazad.

shekayat

Nemifahmam! Kheyli dard dare, vaghti mibinam…Har dafe dobare az noe, ye chaghu mire mostaghim tu ghalbam. Falajam mikone, baraye chand saniye margo dar ragham ehsas mikonam. Chera kari nemikoni, khoda? Chera komakam nemikoni? Chera faghat negah mikoni, chera?

//man komak mikonam…

Ama man nemibinam? Doroste? Kheyle khob. Shayad man unghadr kuramo nemibinam ke komak mikoni…ama age intore chera hichis avaz nemishe? Chera? Age to zakhmharo khub mikoni…pas chera hanuz dard daram, va harruz dardam bishtar mishe? To mage danatarin nisti, va hamechiz zire controle toe…pas chera mikhay ke dard bekesham?

//Man ino nemikham. Ino khodetam khub miduni!

Khodaya man hichi nemidunam! To migi man bozorgo dana basham, chizayio bavar konam ke hata nemibinam. Okay – ama in karo bokonam ke chi? Chera dana basham vaghti in danesham hich sudi baram tu in donya nadare? Chera iman be yek chize nadidani dashte basham, vaghti ke hata hich gune ertebati ham ba chizhaye didani nadarad? Chera be yek ravesh ke hichisio avaz nemikone iman dashte basham? BEHEM BEGU!

//To be un chizi iman dashte bash ke ghalbet mige!

Aslan dige nemikham iman dashte basham, bavaret mishe. Be hichisi. Az iman dashtan khaste shodam. Midunam!..Midunam ke hamechizi ke behem yad dadi doroste…ama…ama miduni, vaghat dardeshe…In dardi ke enghadr falajam mikone, saniye be saniye mikoshatam. Hichisi nist ke betunam dastamo begiram behesh vaghti in dard miad…hamechiz birishe mishe. Hata in lahzehayi ke bahat sohbat mikonam. Chon, behem begu, khoda…chandbar zire sanginiye gerye umadam jolot, bachegane, darmandeo bighorur, umadam va azet khastam – va hich etefaghi nayoftad. Hichi. Bishtar az darde jesmiish, darde ruhishe, khodavand.  Dard mikesham, vaghti majbur misham bighodrat nambebaramet. Bieshgh, khodkhah, durughguh, khianatkar. Dardam miad. Chon be yek tikeyi az vojude khodam migam, be aziztarin va baarzeshtarin tikeye vojudam. Dardam miad…ama begu chekar konam vaghti ehsaset nemikonam. Na jolom. Na poshtam. Khodamo tanha ehsas mikonam ba yek kuh moshkeli ke baraye ye dunashunam rahe hali nadaram. Ba yek darya dard ke nemitunam ghodrate tahamon kardaneshuno dige nadaram….ehsase tanhayi mikonam…ba in ke behem ruzi dur ghol dadi ke dige hichvaght ehsase tanhayi nakonam…

(Yek baste kelinex va chandta deldari bad….)

//Didi?….Man hastam. To tanha nisti. Hichvaght!

Mikhay ke yad begiram? Yad begiram ke ghabul konam hamechiso haminjur ke hast? Nemitunam, khodaya! To perfecti, baraye to sakht nist hamechiso hamunjuri ke hast ghabul koni….man nemitunam!

//Mikhay enghadr nazdik be maghsadet tamum koni, jangju? Vaghan mikhay in karo bokoni?

Enghadr nazdik be maghsad?

//Are! Enghadr nazdik be maghsad?

Mikhay bekhandam?  Chandbar ta alan engahdr nazdik be maghsad istade budamo…naresidam. To begu!

//Hichvaght.

Azet mitarsam, khoda. Baraye avalin bar. Are, yek tarse azimi daram. Na chon migan tambiham mikoni ya yek chizi bename jahanam dari…Na, chon enghadr ghodrat ruye ghalbam dari. Mituni rahat kharesh koni. Eshghet benazaram miad yek tavahom bashe…buye SAM mide.

//Pas ghalbo cheshmato beshuro, az no negahm kon.

Khoda, dardo azem begir. Vaghat to mituni. Vaghat to miduni ke vaghan dige na jesmam mikeshe, na ruham…tamum mikonam. Mano az in dard raha kon!

//Be man bede harchi dard dari, va behem etminan kon…yek bare dige, Dorsa. Mituni? Mituni yek bare dige behem etminan koni?

Man inja neshestamo harfe moft mizanam, Khoda, to chera bavaret mishe. To ke miduni man kurkurane behet etminan mikonam…man male toam, az un ruz be bad dige chize digeyi nist. Mesle yek tup tu dastane toam, to ituni harkari ke bekhay baham bokoni. Man yek bar tasmim gereftam ke male to basham, dige hich bargashti vujud nadare.

//Gush bede, Dorsa. Khub, ba ghalbet gush bede…be zudi khahi raghsid, mesle hamun ruz ke male man shodi, chon khodaye to khodaye hameye donyahast.

Miduni, khodajun, agaram gharare bebazam, agaram gharare zendegim ye joke masghare beshe… bazham mikham ba to! Tarjih midam divuneo virane basham, ama ba to..ta hamechis ama bedune to.

//Ghadamhaye bivafayito ba bivafayi javab nadadam. Pas bavar kon ke ghadamhayi kea z ruye vafao marefatam barmidari ba bivafayi jobran nemikonam.

Asheghetam. Chon behem asbab bazi nemidi ke vaghat mashghul besham. To behem zendegio neshun midi, ba hameye dardo zakhmash. To mano ensan mikoni. Mamnunam azat, mobham!

Dastane Medad

Mikham emruz darbarareye yeki az sadetarin chizhaye donya benevisam. Yade un moghe ha oftadam ke na internet bud, na telefon, na emaili, na sms. Na, vaghti mikhasti chizi benevisi, khabari be kasi bedi, geleyi koni…bayad name mineveshti. Vaght mibord va ehtemale in bud ke hichvaght be daste kasi ke dar nazar dashte bashi narese…ama ina mohem nist. Mikham darbareye vasileyi ke bahash un namehaye porarzesho mineveshtim begam. Vay ke cheghadr delam barash tang shode. Baraye medad. Kamelan faramush shode, shode asbab baziye bache kelas avaliya… Ba in ke enghadr harf baraye goftan dasht, enghadr mitunestim azesh yad begirim.

Medad 5 vijegi dare, ke age ma adama un 5 vijegio dashtim mitunestim hame dar aramesho azadiye daruni zendegi konim. Pas bezarid azesh yad begirim.

Avalan: Ghesehaye azimo tulani mitunim benevisim, karhaye bozorg anjam bedim. Ama hichvaght nabayad faramush konim ke yek dasti hast ke maro negar dashte, va bedune un hichvaght nemitunestim ruye pahaye khodemun vastimo benevisim.

Dovoman: Bazivaghtha bayad neveshtano bezarim kenar, va bezarim ke un dast tarasho bar dare va nokemuno tiz kone ta betunim az noe daghightar va zibatar benevisim. Dard dare, kheyliam ziad, ama bayad ghabul konim ke bedune in dard pishraft nemikonim!

Sevoman: Har medadi ba yek pakon kar mikone. ma bayad yad begirim ke pak kardan, pashimun budan, va aghabraftano az noe shoru kardan chize badi nist, balke baraye in ke dar rahe dorost bemunim lazeme.

Charoman: Arzeshe vagheyiye medad na dar chubeshe, na dar rangeshe na dar sheklesh…tanha mine (graphit) darune medad arzeshe uno tain mikone. Pas bayad hamishe be darunemun beresim va arzeshe vagheyie ensanharo dar daruneshun bebinim.

Panjoman: Akharin va mohemtarin vijegiye medad ine ke harkari ke bokone ja mizare – yek khat mikeshe. Ma ensanha ham hamintor – har harfemun, karemun, fekremun…dar in donya asar mizare. Pas ma bayad bedunim ke radde pa be ja mizarim va masuliate ino ghabul konim.

Khodajun, comediane mahshari hasti, duset daram!

Bia! –Na! Bia dige! –Na!

Ah chera na?

3mahe mokheto daram mizanam, pas chera nemiofti tu taleh?

Bebin, ma darim hamash jarobas mikonim, in vojude mast ke matrahe,

jesmo faramush kon,

shoghlo masuliato faramush kon,

bikhiale Mercedes!

In donya dame darrast,

va az hame bishtar ye tasmime jedi lazem dare,

va begheyr az un eshghe abadiye ma hame,

Ma ke az abadiat chizi nemifahmim, age abadi fekr nakonim,

Age be ghodratemun shak konim, ghodrato be shakamun midim!

 

Miporse “vaghaaan?” Migam: “Are are!

Miporse “vaghaaaaan?” Migam “June to!”

Va badesh dige kisehaye kharidamo miareo,dambedam zang mizaneo, mashghamo minevise…

Hamechiz mitunest kheyli asun bashe…ama khob(shayad behtar ke)…nist!

 Ayandaro ye juri dige tasavor karde budam…

Yejayi ye eshtebahi kardam.

Hadafaye balatar az in dashtam, mikhastam fazanavard besham,

shabo sob milionha darbiaram.

Bejash hame ruzo inja mishinam,

Litri ghahve mikhoramo mededard migiram.

Kaghazayio emza mikonam ke hichishuno nemifahmam,

Va badesham moratab michinam tuye komod sare jashun!
Ama pas maniye zendegi chiye?

Hichvaght nemikhastam be inja beresam,

Ina mano daste kam gereftan, nemidunan man kiam.

Hala mibini, hale hamashuno migiram!

Be zudi khodam misham raise inja,

Unvaght hamash mishe male man…

Hameye donyaro hokumat mikonam,

Pedarkhandeye dovom, -chera dovom?-, Aval misham

Va hameye zendanihaye in donyaro az bihoselegi raha mikonam!

 Vay, hamechiz mitunest kheyli asun bashe…khob, ama nist…

Be unayi ke khuneo zendegiye khodeshun, shayad hata ye vatan daran hasudi nemikonam…

Ama hamdardi..chon unam mesle ma.

Az un chizi ke daran bishtar mikhan. Kar na, ama pule ziad, khaheshan!

Tarjih midim azemun soali nashe, soalaye bijavab dige base!

Hamechiz mitunest kheyli asun bashe…ama khob…Pech gehabt!…nist

Cheshmato bebando ye nafase amigh bekesh.

Ye deghe un chizayi ke mibinio bavar nakon!

Khodet khub miduni, hichvaght nemituni hamechizo kamel beshnasio befahmi…

Chizi ke lazem dari etemado ye kam fantasiye

Dar ye chizi hamamun ye sheklim, ba in ke hichkas ino ghabul nadare,

Ba in ke hichkodumemun hichi nemidunim, bazham hamamun hamun YEKDUNE javabe dorosto darim.

Khob bezar kholase konam,

to ye ruzi ruye ab ra rafti…

va be ehtemale 90% unvare ab hanuz meymun budi…

 

Bebin, midunam, soal ziad darim,

ama khob, chekar konim, javabi barashun nist!

Are, mikhaym az in ja berim,

ama be jaye digeyiam hichvaght nemiresim.

Ye formele asun baraye piruz shodan mikhaym,

Ama khob…hamchin chizi nist.

Superman ya Angelina jolie…

Chekar konim, khob nistim!

 

Hamechiz mitunest kheyli asuno sade bashe…ama khob, khodeto bokosh, nist.

Ye ruzi ye eshtebahi kardim, goftim are mikhaym ino emtehan konim, alanam dige rahe bargashti nist.

Pas hala mikhay chekar koni? – hata baraye inam javabe dandanshekani nist!

Bezar haminjuri berim jolo, begimo bekhandim, je zare talash konim, bazi vaghtha gerye konim, bazi vaghtha sokut…bebinim chi mishe dige…ta hastim haminjuri khosh begzarunim, khodaro che didi…shayad tanha kilidesham hamin bashe. Shayad khoda ham ye kam mesle ma ghati dashteo umade maze berizeo ye dafe ma be vojud umadim.

Vaghti

Vaghti mioftamo…ruham mesle ye donya baar ruye sinam sangini mikone…Vaghti sakhtiha baram zirpayi migirano, zanuham az zamin khordan zakhmi mishan…Khodamo mikeshunam be injao dar sokutesh montazerat vamistam Ta biayo ye kami baaham inja beshinim.

To bolandam mikoni, ta betunam sare har gholeyi beistam. To bolandam mikoni ta dar tufanitarin oghianusha paru bezanam. Ghavi hastam, vaghti be shunehaye to lam dadam, to bolandam kardi ta bishtar az un chizi ke mitunam basham basham.

Zendegi bedune teshnegi nemishnasam, hamash dar jostejuye ye chize mobham. Ghalbe bighararam  shere tapesho yadesh rafte, bazi vaghtha hata maks mikone. Ama vaghti to miay – por az mojeze misham. Bazivaghtha, fekr mikonam, ye negahe kuchak be abadiat andakhte basham.

To bolandam mikoni, ta khodamo raha konam. To bolandam mikoni ta saramo bala begiram. Ashegh hastam, vaghti pahamo dar rade paye to mizaram. To bolandam kardi, ta shahede asemune vanilimun basham.

Che ironiye jalebi…

Az adamayi mesle to mitarsam. Az harfatun. Az negahetun.

„Man ye nimeye dorsaro be nabudesh tarjih midam.”

Na chon nemidunam ki hasti ya chi mikhay. Na.

Chon kheyli khub mishnasamet, va bazham ye alamate soale bozorgi baram.

Adamayi mesle to…tavane ino daran ke badjenstarin kasiftarin mojud bashan. – Ama nistan.

Buye divar midid. Divarhaye namdar.

Age kasi zerang bashe…tuye un divar do ta surakhe kuchulu mibine. Daghighan jaye 2 cheshm.

Adam mitune poshte divaro bebine. Mifahmam ke chera buye nam midi. Dar darunet ye oghianuse siaho tufani haml mikoni.

Va un manam ke dar ghayegham dar darune oghianuset daram mesle divuneha paru mizanam, ke shayad be saheli beresam.

Az adamayi mesle to mitarsam. “tars hast. Hameja. Ama chera mikhay tanha tarshato rad koni.”

 Behet mikhandam. Khandeye talkhiye. Zamane badio entekhab kardi, ashna!

Shayad barat bad nabashe to ham az adamayi ke enghadr shabiye khodetan betarsi.

Mikhandim.

Bezar haminjuri bekhandim.

Injuri behtar nist? Hast. Bavar kon.

Ghorbani nemisham

Be TO tamame zendegimo hediye midam, na tanha jahaysho ke mikham.

Be TO mibakhsham, hameye un royahayi ke seft negareshun dashtam.

Fekre TO balatar az fekre man!

Harfaye TO amightar az harfaye man!

Eshghe TO ghavitar az eshghe man!

Pas ghorbani nemikonam,

Bia, inam az zendegiye man!

Dar dastane TO hameye kilidharo mizaram,

Dasteto migiram va be TO hameye darhaye ghofl shodaro neshun midam.

Azet haghe khoshbakht kardanamo nemigiram,

Baraye TO dad mizanam!

Fekre TO baztar az fekre man!

Vojude TO azadtar az vojude man!

Ruhe TO vahshitar az ruhe man!

Pas ghorbani nemikonam,

Bia, inam az jesme man!

Be TO ayandamo hediye midam,

Harcheghadram ke tul bekeshe.

Be TO alanamo hediye midam,

Va bavaret nemishe, ama…. … be TO gozashtamo midam!

Bakhsheshe TO jedditar az bakhsheshe man!

Darke TO azimtar az darke man!

Edalate TO adeltar az edalate man!

Pas ghorbani nemikonam,

Dar abadiat sarmayegozari mikonam,

Bia, inam az aghideye man!

 

 

 

 

“Montazeretam!”

Taslim nemisham!

Sarvaram toie! Be to iman daram!

Shayad paham belarze, shayad boghz konam, shayad sokut konam,

Ama taslim nemisham, hichvaght!

 

“Montazeratam!”

 

Dar raham! Miresam!

To khorshide ofoghe mani,

Omid be name to nemikaram. Omid kafi nist. MIDUNAM!

Midunamet.

Mibinamet.

 

Divarha joloye paham boland mishan.

Az divar nemitarsam. Midunam natunam khurdeshun konam

To bade gharbito mifresti va mano mesle yek oghab az divaro partgah rad mikone.

 

“Montazeretam!”

 

Sedat dar vojudam enekas mikone. Sabt mikonam, bado, sedato.

Miresam. Dar raham!

 

Be edalate to iman daram, ruye shaghsiate to donyamo sakhtam.

Ba shekundane hichkasi nemishkanam, chon dar to shekasti vujud nadare.

Nemitarsam, hata vaghti tufani nemiad. Nemitarsam hata vaghti badi nist ke nafasam bashe.

 

„Montazeretam!“

 

Miresam, negaran nabash. Miresam.

Shayad shak konam, shayad delsard besham. Shayad ruzayi mesle emruz berese ke buye khakestar bedam. Ama taslim nemisham.

Hichvaght.

Chon dar in sine ye tike az ghalbe jangjuye khodeto kashti.

Taslim nemisham, Hamnafas.

Taslim nemisham.

 

Buye azadi miad

Jayi ke nafase to bashe, unja azadist.

Be samte sedaye to! -unja azadist.

Age khasteyi, va teshne. Unja azadist.

Barane eshgh va haghighat mibare ruye chehreye biehsasam. Unja azadist.

 

Ghalbam bashe khuneye hamishegiye to! Azadi, to inja hokumat kon!

Sedato mishnavam, paru mizanam, zendeam!

Badanam az shogho eshtiaghe to tab karde, milarzam, aramesh nadaram. Dobare mitunam ba to basham, azadi! To hokumat kon!

 

Duste khube man. Hamrahe hamishegi!

Nimeye behtare man.

Cheshmamo be akhare in oghianus miduzam, paru mizanam!

Vaghat sedaye to be gusham mirese, baraye in donya karam!

Mikham tanha kalamam to bashi, azadi!

 

Emshab dar oghianus tanham.

Kasi negam nemikone.

Hameye budanamo be to taghdim mikonam.

Biparde khodamo dar aghushet raha mikonam, Hamnafas.

Hichvaght erade nemikonam ke zede to basham, ama kamam! Bavar nadari, ama kamam.

Padeshaye donyam, baraye to hastam, azadi!

Jesmam male tost!

Ruham male tost!

Nafasam male tost!

 

Vay, duste khubam.

Jayi ke ba harfam atish zadam to ba barunet atisho khamush kon.

Jayi ke rade pamo tuye zamine to nazashtam, to ba bade gharbit pak kon.

Jayi ke kaafi nabudam, to karamo kamel kon.

Angizam toie, maghsadam toie, pas to dar un sahel hokumat kon, na hichize dige.

Esme mano pak kon, chon toie, azadi, toie!       ……Manam dar to.

 

Zadam zire hamechiz, vel kardam va dombale sedaye to umadam.

Mesle hamishe.

Chon unja azadist.

Hameye divarharo poshte sar gozashtam.

Tarshamo dar oghianus ghargh kardam.

Dombale to miam, azadi.

Emshab ke hichkas negam nemikone.

Emshab ke kamelan tanham,

mikham dar negahe to ghargh besham.

Khodamo dar ayneye azimet bebinam.

Ghalbamo ba nafaset mishuram.

Mikham khunato kamelan pak konam, az harchi gele, delsardio biehsasie.

Azadi, kamelan male toam.

HICHISIO baraye khodam nemikham. Hichisio.

Na esm, na ghorur, na eshgh, na eftekhar,

Hichiso.

Vaghat mikham to bashi.

Hamnafasam.

To bash.

Emshab. Haminja. Ghalbeto ke dar in sine nesheste ba haghighatet por kon.

Ruye hamechiz ke mitune vojudamo dar in donya tain kone pa gozashtam.

Ruye shahr, ruye ejtema, ruye din, ruye vatan, ruye nafaso zendegi    ……hardafe ke seda kardi.

Kamelan male toam.

Mikham vojudam vaghat dar to taieen beshe, azadi.

 

Vaghat dar to

 

 

 

 

 

 

TUFAN! TUFAN!

Che ghadr arezu darim. Hata bishtar az tedade kalamehayi ke az dahanemun dar miad, fekr mikonam.

Chandtashuno be vagheyat miresunim? Vaght ke be andazeye behemun dade shode. 80 sal zendeim, har saniyasham darim nafas mikeshim.

Man be arezuha eteghad daram. Be royaha. Hamishe dashtam.

Emruz be ye natije residam. Dar un lahze, ke vaghan midunim chi mikhaym, mishe goft ke be arezumun residim. Chon az un lahze be bad hameye donya poshtemun vastade, khoda poshtemun vastade. Az un lahze be bad dige hamechiz be khodemun bande. Aya raho mirim, va age mirim ta akharesh mirim?

Ye shoare jadid sakhtam: „Age ye chizio mikhay, begiresh!

Faryad mizanam, baraye hameye donya! Hameye sardzendegan beshnavan! Hameye ghahremanane telesm shode az kahb bidar shan! AGE CHIZIO MIKHAY, BEGIRESH!

Midunid, bacheha, ziad mohem nist adam ghavi bashe, mohem ine ke ehsas kone ke ghaviye!

Be khoda!

Tufanha joloye rahaman. Midunam ke ghayegham milarze va shayad hata daghun beshe. Ama man az in tufan darmiam. Hamun ghadr ke umadane ruz bad az shab vagheyate, az un vare  tufan darmiam va nure khorshid dar cheshmaye roshanam miofte.

Va bad un ruze ke baham tavalode tazeye ostekhunhaye mordamo jashn migirim.

 

Vadeye bade gharbi

khabari az kabutar

Emruz kabutari umad va labeye ghayegham neshest. Khabari avorde bud: Chupan sahelo tark karde va be safar rafte.

Labkhand mizanam.

Nemidunam ta che had in khabar shayeast va ta che ghadr haghighat. Be azemate darya negah mikonam, yade ruze akharam dar un sahel mioftam. (http://perlenwald.wordpress.com/2009/10/29/symphonyie-bado-darya/)

Asemun tusiye va hich nazari nadare. Darya arume va unam javabamo nemide. Nafase amigh mikesham.

Midunam harjaye donya ke bashe, zamine seft zire pahash bashe ya mojha hamlesh bokonan, khoda bahashe. Va in behem un etminane lazemo mide ke nakhaham bargardam va ba cheshmaye khodam bebinam ke kojast.

Parumo barmidaram va be bihoselegiye daryao asemun ahamiat nemidam.

Paru mizanam…

Paru mizanam…

Paru mizanam…

“tasviri az man nasazid!”

Jaleb nist ke daghighan un kasi  ke asheghane dustesh darim, nemitunim begim chejurie ya tori tosifesh konim? Vaghat dustesh darim. Chon eshgh daghighan hamine, yabehtare begam zibayie eshgh ine! Ke maro dar charchube zendegan negar midare, dar amadegiye ghabul kardane yek ensan ba  hameye azadiyash. Ma midunim ke har ensani, vaghti kasi dustesh dashte bashe, – engar ke az telesm raha shode bashe – yek dafe shokufe mizane, ghonchehash baz miashan. Va baraye un tarafiam ke dust dare kheyli chiza baz mishan. Kheyli chiza ke barash kheyli ashna budan- engar dare baraye avalinbar mibine. Eshgh az harchi tasvire rahash mikone. Un jazabiat, un hese majarahjuyi, un chize hayajanangiz ine ke ba kasayi ke dusteshun darim kenar nayaym: Chon dusteshun darim –ta vaghti ke dusteshun darim.

Aghideye ma ke fekr mikonim tarafo dige shenakhtim, payane eshghemune. Ama inja kheyli moheme ke yek eshtebaro nakonim. Bekhatere in ke ma dige tarafo shenakhtim, eshghemun tamum nemishe. Baraks.  Vaghti eshghemun khamush mishe, ghodratesh nuresh kam mishe, dige un ensan baramun dalili baraye josteju kardan nemide, dige baramun jazab nist, dige fekr mikonim kamelan mishnasimesh. Didimesh kamel, midunim chejuriye, bayad unjuri bashe ke didim! Jure digeyi nemitune bashe! Un amadegiye ghabul kardane har taghiro estefa midim. Tuye dadgah jolosh vamistim va mijangim ta azesh haghe zende budan va gheyre ghabele darke shaghsi budano migirim. Va bad ye dafe heyrun mimunim, mayus mishim ke chera rabetamun dige zende  porehsas poreshtiagh nist. “To un kasi nisti ke man fekr mikardam” harfe akharemun mishe. Ye soal in vasat pish miad. To ruye chi un fekri ke az man dashtio sakhti?

Kash fekramuno  ruye un razi, ke ma hameye ansanha hastim, misakhtim. Hamun moamaye hayajanangiz ke az say kardane hal kardanesh khaste shodim. Shoru mikonim va tasvir mikeshim. Ruye tasvir shenakhtemuno az ham misazim. Sakhteye khodemuno dar un ensan mibinim. Va in amal esmesh bieshghiye, esmesh gonahe, esmesh khianate.

“Tasviri az man nakeshid!”, khoda dar enjil gofte. Baraye ma asune ke arusaki nasazim va jolosh ruye zanuhamun nayoftimo parasteshesh nakonim. Ama ba khodaye darune ensanhaye dorovaremun chi? Tasviri az un khoda nemikheshim, hardafe ke fekr mikonim kasio mishnasim? Ma hame midunim ke hichvaght nemitunim hajmo azemate khodaro kamel dark konim, pas chetor mitunim ba inhame etemad benafs hamun khodaro ke khunash tuye jesme tak take ensanast ba aghlemun ba shouremun tuye yek nazar ya yek fekr darbareye kasi tosifesh konim?

Yek ruz az aghaye K. porsidan: “Aghaye K., age asheghe kasi shode bashin, chekar mikonin?”

Aghaye K. javab dad: “Yek tasvir mikesham, va say ke mikonam shabihesh she!”

Porsidan: “Ki? Tasvire?”

Aghaye K. goft: “Na, Ensane.”

Dige nemikham ensanharo beshnasam. Nemikham ghabl az in ke harfi bezanan betunam begam ke ki hastan, chekaran ve chi poshte pardehaye vojudeshun ghayem kardan. Na. Dige nemikham theorie besazam ke be chejur adam bayad chejuri rafter kard. Khodavand, dige nemikham donyahaye toro ba tajrobehaye khodam tashrih konam. To ba letafat, ba mohabat, ba zarifkari, ehteram, eshgh, tashvigh be donyaye man negah mikoni, harcheghadram ke dar moghayese ba khelghate to rizo biarzesh bashe. Mikham be khunehaye to ehteram bezaram. Mikham vaghti davatam mikoni be khunat dar ghalbe yek ensani, mesle sahab khune nayamo hameye decoration berizam beham, juri bechinam ke khodam mikham, moghayese konam, arzesh bezaram, ruye tarazu bezaram chizayio ke mibinam. Mikham vaghti davatam mikoni, ba ehteramo khoshhali biam mehmunit. Mikham bebinam chi dari. Mikham azet yad begiram.

Asheghane dustet daram, khodavand, ba in ke hichvaght nemitunam kamel beshnasamet

Ya behtare begam:

Asheghane dustet daram, khodavand, CHON hichvaght nemitunam kamel beshnasamet.  

 

Symphonyie bado darya

Sobe. Sobi ke kheyli khub mishnasamesh. Darya, bade gharbi va shene sahel ochestri baraye khodafezi gozashtan. Badanam buye atisho khakestar mide. Dishab – mesle hamishe- chizayi ke azem tuye in sahel munde budo dar atish suzundam. Chizaye baarzesho hamaro tuye ye karton rikhtam va khak kardam. Hich asari dige az shaghsi be name dorsa vojud nadare, joz zemzemeye bade gharbi ke gahi dastani darbarash mige ya sheri barash mikhune. Mitune hamechiz yek khab ya yek osture bude bashe…ki midune? Labkhandi ruye labhame. Labkhande rezayat. Are, khodamam, mesle hamishe yek pa dar kafshi be name vagheyat, va yek pa dar kafshi be name roya.

Dame sahel istadam. Azadi riyehamo por va khali mikone. Eshtiagh shetabe khunam shode. Vay ke cheghadr dobare khodamam. Khorshid poshte abrha istade, ama nuresho az dur be manaye poshtebani ruye suratam mindaze.

Ye negahi akhar be sahel? Barmigardam. Enghadr derakht joloye cheshmame ke didane jangal sakhte. Labkhand mizanam. Midunam ke poshte in jangal, tuye ye khune, dar yek otagh ye chupani nesheste ke be zudi pash be in sahel mirese va joloye tasmime tark kardane in sahel gharar migire. Labkhand mizanam. Ye jabeye chubi tuye dastame. Darunesh chand kado gozashtam ke be chupane kuchak dar safaresh –age tasmim begire ke in karo bokone- komakesh mikonan: sedaye bade gharbi ke hamishe dar lahzeye tasmim giri komakesh mikone. Yek sadaf ke hamishe eshtiaghe daryaro darunesh haml mikone. Va ketabe kimiagar ke dar har jomlash neshuneyi be maghsade rahe zendegish dare. Dare jabaro mibandam. Mizaramesh kenare sahel va be samte ghayegham miravam.

Zanu mizanam jolye ghayegham. Larz mikonam vaghti chube khiso portajrobasho lams mikonam. Che sahela ke ba ham nadidim, che tufanha ke ba ham rad nakardim. Labkhand mizanam. Yade 11 mah pish mioftam vaghti ba ham be in sahel residim. Bade shadidi miad va abro az joloye khorshid mibare. Vaghte raftane.

Gayegho hol midam tuye ab, miparam tush, nafase amigh mikesham va ghabl az in ke bekham pshte saramo negah konam moje shadidi miad va mano be ghalbe bipanahe darya mibarad.

Dad mizanam: “Khodahafez!” Ba esghtiagh: “Khoda haaafez!” Bade gharbi sedamro ruye balhash az laye derakhthaye be ham chasbideye jangal be shahre kuchik miresunad. Zemzemeyi latif va arum shenide mishe, poshte sedaye gazo bughe mashina, poshte sedaye television va jaru barghi: “…khodahafez…”

 

donyai jadid

Fereshte:

Age mitunestam donyaro az to dorost konam, nafaseto migereftam ke azesh bad besazam, ke ta hamishe doremun becharkhe. Age mitunestam donyaro az to dorost konam, garmato migereftam ta khorshido besazam ke dige hichvaght ghorub nakone. Nafaseto baraye badha migereftam, dahaneto baraye rado bargh, ashkat mishodan barun, va toluye khorshido az jaduye labkhandet misakhtam. Talash mikardam az abruhat abrharo dorost konam, va pishunit mishod asmemun. Kafe pato entekhab mikardam baraye bonyad va noke angoshtat tajo mizashtan ruye sare in donyaye jaduye. Ba esme to in donyamo tamid midadam ke harkas beshnasatesh, zendegiyo ba jesme to efteta mikardam, va ruheto vaghat be danaha hediye midadam. Poshteto mizashtam poshte kuha ta betunan saf vastan, va atmosphereto mizashtam be jaye garma va oxygen ta adamash betunan zendegi konan. Baz kardane cheshmat mishod ruz, va vaghti cheshmato mibasti mishod shabe in donyam.

Va age migi in mishe botparasti, pas man migam gonahkaram dar cheshmaye in zabayi!

Ensan:

To sakhreye partgahe mani. To feleshe rahe mani! To tanabe nejate mani.

Vaghti dige nemidunam, az to miporsam va to hemayatam mikoni. Vaghti baramo ruye shuneham az kuh mibaram bala, to miayo charkho ekhterah mikoni. Va vaghti zamin oftadamo negh mizanam, un to hasti ke miado be daneye omidam zamine taze midi. Budane ajibeto nemitunam tosif konam, age naghash budam har khate ghalam vaghat be eftekhare to mibud! Be khoda, ghalbe to baram hasteye in donya mibud! Va yek kalame az dahane to baarzeshtar az milionha tuye kife pul!

Fereshte:

Bavaret mishe? Tuye donyam faslha  ba to migardan, va gardeshe to gardeshe maho taeen mikone! Ghamet mishe paieez ke bargaro ba khodesh mibare, va labkhandet mishe bahar ke jangalharo dobare zende mikone. Vay, age in mishe botparasti, sadarsad gonah karam, ama chareyi dar in zibayie ke khoda sakhte nist.

Khoda mano bebakhshe, hamechizet mano ashegh mikone, hamechize darunam mikhad hamechize daruneto bebineo lams kone. Mikham be to taghdim konam harchisi ke khoda baram gozashte, ye tike donya khodam besazam, vaghat baraye to. Age mishod…Khake donyamo mesle to hazelkhis va pak misakhtam. Az atashe darune sinat atashfeshanha dorost mikardam va eshtiaghe to mishod un Mana, niruye jaduyi ke zendegi va marg be donya miare. Az aghushet haleye nur baraye ensanha misakhtam! Shabo ruz khire mishodam be zibayie in donya!

Ensan:

Hichi nemibinam vaghti negaheto az rum barmidari, chon didam, vaghti to nisti, kamel nist! Agushe to mesle hambastegiye barf mimune, age velam koni, bahmanha dar raham khakam mikonan!

Fereshte:

Age mitunestam donyayi vaghat az to besazam, ruheto padeshahe asemunesh mikardam. Mizashtam mesle oghab faryade azadi bezane, bandeash mishodam va ta abad ruye shunehaye bade gharbi hamlesh mikardam.

 

Rangbaziye Bad

(bad az salha dobare cartune bachegimo negah kardam. Pocahontas. Be nazare man yeki az pormani tarin cartunayi hast ke vujud dare. Ham daruni mituni tosifesh koni (donyayi ke darune ma zendegi mikone), ham donyaye ejtemayi (donyayi ke ma tush zendegi mikonim). In dafe ba gushaye ghalbam gush dadam be harfash va ba cheshmaye ruham negah kardam va poshte clishehaye disney yek haghighate azim peyda kardam- khodamo…)

Dar cheshmaye to man vaghat ye ravaniye vahshiam…

Ghabele pishbiniye ke injuri fekr mikoni, chon tarbiat shodi.

Ama ye chizo nemifahmam,

age man vahshio tarbiat nashodam…pas chera enghadr chiza hast ke TO nemiduni?

 

Be donyam miayo hamechizo malekiate khodet miduni,

In zamin baraye to azade ama to vaghat chub mibini.

Inja har sangi, har derakhti har mojudi…

zendegiye khodesho dare, ruh dare, ghorur dare, to chi miduni?

Baraye to ensanhaye vagheyi ensanhayi hastan ke

Mesle to fekr mikonan, mesle to zendegi mikonan.

Ama dombale rade pahaye yek gharibe boro…

Bad mibini, dark mikoni, yad migiri.

Taze mifahmi ke ki hasti…

 

Mituni sedaye zuzeye gorgo zire mahe noghreyi beshnavi?

Negahe kabutare kenare pato befahmi?

Mituni aavaaz bekhuni ba sedaye kuha?

Mituni naghashi bokoni mesle rangbaziye bad?

 
Bia, dar talaloe nure jangal ba man bodo,

toothaye shirine in donyaro emtehan kon.

Bia dar tanavo va zibaish ba man ghalt bezan,

bad mibini ke hichiz dar in donya kam nadari.

 
Baruno rudkhune baradaranaman,

gorgo oghab hamrahanam…

va ba charkhidane charkhe khorshid, dayereye abadi,

micharkhimo ba ham yeki mishim.

 

Derakhta ta che ghadr jorat mikonan rosht konan?

Age ghateshun koni, hichvaght nemifahmi…

Va faramush mishan -gorga va mahe noghreyi

Va in ke ma hame yeki hastim.

Bayad aavaaz bekhunim ba sedaye kuha,

bayad naghashi konim mesle rangbaziye bad.

 

Khake gharib vaghat vaghti gharibe

Ke yek Gharibe nashnasatesh,

baraye haminam vaghat be

rangbaziye bad taalogh dare.

Mituni be safar biay, beshnasish, bemuni -

Ama hichvaght male to nemishe.

margi digar

Chejuri yedafe hamechiz mirize birun…beyne chand saniye. Un tarse vagheyi. Galumo migire, mikhad khafam kone, hameye badanamo dar vujudesh jazb mikone…tekun nemitunam bokhoram. Sang misham. Mesle yek marmulaki ke tarside. Mimiram, dobare va dobare. Az no. Mimiramo mimiram. Mimiramo mimiram. Ki gofte kea dam vaghat yekbar mimire? Ki gofte ke cheshmato  bebando baz kon hamechiz tamum shode? Cheshmamo bastam va sabur montazere payane in dard mishinam. Dar khabe bienteha ghargh misham, gardokhak ruye guneham mishine, nafasam zang mikhore…be in migan marg?

sayei ajib…

Az vaghti ke yadame eshtiaghe besiari be tabiate vahshi daram. Ama hich abzare ejtemayii in no viaramo natuneste sir kone. Ba kalamehayi mesle “khejalat” ya “motemaden” tarbiatam karde ta in eshtiagho poshte lebashaye ziba ya labkhande masnuyi ghayem konam. Ama sayeye un mojude vahshio shab va sob ruye vojudam ehsas mikonam. Harja ke beram, ketabkhune, restaurant, kelisa…dombalam miayad –  va hamishe ruye 4 pahash…

shahre poshte meh

Cheghadr „bishtar“ ziad shode -hameja tabligh- bishtar nun, bishtar ab, bishtar aberu, bishtar prestige…khoshbakhti esmesho bakhte be hezaran joziat.

Hameye khianbunha por hastan – terafic, dar ghalbha tasavorhaye morde, hichkas nemitune fekre digario bekhune, che berese be in ke ehsasesho dark kone.

Ama man mikham ye shahr barat besazam, az shishe, az tala va az sang. Va har jadeyi ke az in shahr mire birun rahe bargashti ham dare.

Inja hichkas surate khodesho be yad nemiare, hata esmeshun ham faramush kardan. Hame daran farar mikonan, va nemidunan az chi. Ashkashun az yakh, atisheshun khashm.

Bayad rahi vujud dashte bashe, mage mishe nabashe? Injuri ke nemishe. Be chi tekye bedim, che kasi hast azamun mohafezat bokone? Engar asmemune inja az sorbe.

Dige javab nemidam – be in soalhaye eshtebah… Inja ba zaman ghomar bazi mishe, va khoshbakhti 6ta shomareye doroste dar lotto.

Khodam ye shahr misazam barat, shahri dar donyayi poshte meh. Va behet ghol midam, jadeyi nadashte bashe ke rahe bargasht nadare.

 Shahri ke ghanunesh tars nabashe, balke etemad, jayi ke divarhaye herso tahghiro poshte sar mizaran, jayi ke nuresh ba daste ensan khamush nashe, jayi ke abesh harchiam khaterehe siah tush berizi zolal mimune, jayi ke arzeshe sobho shab fargh nemikone, jayi ke har royayi etemale vagheyi shodan dare…

Va jayi ke ghalbet betune kabuse zamano makano faramush kone

safar be tavahome hend

In utubane mast, darbast ta behesht.

Royaye amrikayi

Do ahmagh dar jostejuye hend.

Vay che ghadr khandidim…

 

Az ghahremanha khodafezi mikonim.

Royahamuno mizarim kenar.

Hamdigaro gharibe seda mikonim.

Vay che ghadr bekhandim….

 

Az avaregi barmigardim, muhamuno shune mikonim, pahamuno mishurim.

Lebase rasmi mipushim, mesle bafarhanga sohbat mikonim.

Behem migi „khanume highclass“

Vay che ghadr mikhandim…

 

Puli kharj nemikonim ke bekhaym nefrat dashte bashim.

Masuliat be ohde migirim.

Man tasmim migiram dokhtare khubi basham, to barmigardio khune keraje mikoni.

Vay che ghadr behemun bekhandan…

 

Dige guitar nemizani, vaghat piano.

Man dige ketab nemikhunam, vaghat minevisam.

Rahamun yeki nemishe, ama bah am ghadam barmidarim…

Vay ke che ghadr be ham bekhandim.

 

Ma be hend miresim, hende shaghsiye khodemun.

Amrikamun.

Kaptain Kolumbus  :-D

 

//Dar to dalile tasmime zende budanamo mibinam. Lazem nist bebinamet ta bedunam ke hasti. Lazem nist sedato beshnavam ta bedunam ke baham harf mizani… Yek agahi vujud dare ke ma ba ham taghsim mikonim, va in agahi jodabudane maro gheyre momken mikone//

Kilide Moama

Ye hafte nemishe ke khastam haghighate ziba khodeshro neshun bede. Yani…Azadi chie? Che ehsase bozorgi, che tavaghohi, che masuliati, che bari?

Tozi dadan ke azadi yani chi…kare sakhtie…Man vaghat mitunam ye gusheye karo begiram, tozi bedam ke chi didam, chi ehsas kardam, chi fahmidam.

Azadiro nemishe kamel tozi dad, azadiro bayad mesle oxygen nafas keshid!

Azadi yani inke juri basham ke hastam, yani eshtebah kardan mesle yek bache…va oftadan zamin. Ama dobare boland shodan, Azadi yani „shak nakon!“, yani „Ghadam bardar!“ Agar miduni chi mikhay, amal kon, agaram nemiduniam amal kon!

Azadi yani azad kardan, azad shodan, azad mundan. Divarhaaye tars az shekastro daghun kardan, jorat dashtan! Azadi yani bazi vaghtha hata mayus kardan, be khod residan be jaye be arezuhaye digaran. Azadi yani tasmim gereftan, Azadi yani be khodet in azadio bedi ke nazareto avaz koni!

Azadi mige azadiye to jayi tamum mishe ke azadiye baghalit shoru mishe. Azadi bighanuni nist, ama hichvaght tuye ghanun rishe nemizane, va hichvaght miveye ghanun nemiare.

Azadi, che kalameye bozorgi, shenidam ke bimarz hasti! Kheylia nemishnasanet, ama barat mijangan, ba harf, ba sokut, ba doa…va baziya ba bombo tank. To baraye harkasi ye chizi, che khandedare vaghti mizarim siasat ya elm toro baramun tain konan. To haghighati, to chizi hasti ke harkasi haghe dashtanesho dare. Hichkasi nabayad darkhaste toro bokone, hichja, hichvaght!

To unghadr mahrami mesle shaghsitarin royahaya harkasi. Ama kamkasi un royaharo be hahghighat miresune. Baziya fekr mikonan, mishe toro kharid, baziya hezaran kilometr dar kavir rah miran, chon be to iman daran…Kheylia vataneshuno tark mikonan, be omide to, va bazham toro peyda nemikonan. Bazi vaghtha yek tike az toro ghorbaniye ye chize dige mikonam, va bazivaghtha bayad tarket konam ke betunam lamset konam, ey Azadi!

To omide mani, rahe mani, hadafe mani…man ghorbanit misham! Hey fekr mikonam va az khodam miporsam ke chejuri mitunam behet nazdiktar besham. Kheyli vaghtha baraye chand lahze ehsas mikonam, to hamishe injayi. To langare man hasti ke man betunam dar tufanitarin shabha safar konam. To tasviri hasti ke omidvaram dar ayande bebinam. To unjayi hasti ke porjoratha ghadam bar midaran va danaha sohbat mikonan…va az hame bishtar unjayi hasti ke ma fekr mikonim nisti!

Tibetiha baraye to mijangan, ba omid va sokhanhaye pormani, va to, doshmane tarso farar, dar ghalbhaye javunaye sabzpush zendegi mikoni. To barghe cheshhaye zendanihayi hasti ke be azadiye darun miresan!

Ziad darbarat khundam, ama toro bayad zendegi kard, bayad dust dasht, baraye to hamechizo mizaram kenar! Bazi vaghtha vaghti nemidunam kia khubhan kia badhan…kafiye dombale to dar karhashun va harfashun begardam, chon to haghighat hasti, azadi!

To un ehsasi hasti ke man niaz daram ke aslan betunam zende basham, un nure kuchik dar akhare tunnel, ke neshun mide gharare koja berim. To shoruyi, to maghsadi, to rahi! To un chizi hasti ke bishtare vaghtha kame, to kilide hameye moamaha hasti!

To shuneyi hasti ke vahshatzadeha behesh tekye midan, to unja vastadi, vaghti asheghha az ghamo naomidi boland mishan. To un madari hasti ke bacharo be donya miare, ba in ke sakhte, To un mardi hasti ke raho ta akhar mire, ba inke kheyli tulaniye! To un baalhayi hasti ke be ma eshtiaghe parvazro neshun midan.

Baziya doa mikonan ke dar to bashan…baziya dar name to sang part mikonan. Baziha zakhm mizanan ke  mesle to bashan, baziya kalak mizanan ke mesle to benazar bian. Baziya az donya khodafezi mikonan ta toro peyda konan, baziya donyaro be khorde ma midan ta toro penhan konan! Migan ma dar daste to nistim, va ma mitarsim va fekr mikonim ke toro gom kardim.

To royaye unayi hasti ke toro nemibinan, to vagheyiate unayi hasti ke toro dar khodeshun peyda kardan. Toro dar akharin saniyehaye zendegimun mibinim, ama khasteye to ine ke har saniyeye zendegimuno ba ma bashi.  

To bi enteha bozorgi, ama khodetro dar kuchiktarin dastha migzari. To ruhe har kalam ya fekr hasti, age ma dark konim… To nazdiktar az nafasemun hasti, ama ma fekr mikonim ke duri…Dar ghalbemun nesheshti va ma toro dar setareha mijuyim.

Esmet ziad estefade mishe, baraye gholo ghasam…barekate ma hasti, ama nametro baraye lanate ensan hezaranbar faryad zadan. Aghushet donyaro baghal mikone va surathayat avaz mishan, az tavahome gheyredastres budan ta neshunehaye kuchak neveshte dar shen.

To radepah beja mizari, va bazi vaghtha ham jaye zakhm. Az hardoshun ma yad migirim, dar to hamechis mishe barekat…

Adam sade nist…Adam rahattalabe, Age to nabudi, ruhet nabud…ma vaghat chandta formule fisic va chemie budim, mechanism program shode. In toyi, azadi, ke be ma hadaf midi…be ma angize midi, tanavoh, entekhab…

Azet khaste budam jomleye akhare harfamro to benevisi, azet khaste budam behem kilide in moamaro neshun bedi…..Azadi, to javab midi!

 

moama

Haghighate ziba, dombalet migardam!

Dar aseman, dar jangalha, dar oghianus!

Neshun bede, be kodum jahat bayad beram?

Haghighate ziba, niazet daram,

ghabl az in ke khodamo dar hichmakani gomkonam,

neshun bede, koja beram, kojaro negah konam?

Mishnavam ke migan „Dorsa, hamechiz khube!“, mishnavam ke khodam migam „Dorsa, hamechiz khube!“…ama bazham bazivaghtha vaghat khashm ehsas mikonam, khashm az khodam bekhatere tarsham! In ke injuri hastam ke hastam, va na unjuri ke mitunam basham, in kafi nist! Tavaghoharo hey mibaram balatar, midunam mitunam beheshun beresam…ama rahe behesht az jahanam rad mishe! Khodamo mibinam ke dare mimire mesle ghahremanhaye osturehaye ghadimi, ta vaghti ke hame migan „raft!“, ama vaghat ghayem shodam zire hezaran laye range birang. 

 Jayi ke ba Arre kar mishe, boradehaye chub rikhte mishe…jayi ke omid bashe, askh rikhte mishe, jayi ke tavagho bashe delshekastegi… Bazi vaghtha naghashimo ghab mikonam va mizanam be divar, ghabl az in ke keshide bashamesh. Tahresho hefsam, zamensho makanesho midunam, hata esmam barash gozashtam. Ama hanuz ye khate medad ya ye ghatre rang ru khaghaz nist ke karte davadharo mifrestam.                                                                                                                                                                 Pichide harf mizanam, chon pichide hastamo pichide fekr mikonam Va bekhatere haminam salhaye sal ba labyrinthaye tuye maghzam mashghulam. Az in donya nemitarsam, ama bazham nemidunam chie ke negaram midare. Be hichis shak nemikonam, bejoz khodam, boland hadafamo talafoz va dar sange ruye divar hak mikonam, maghsad dure va tadaroke man perfect, raho tu naghshe peyda kardam, chamedunamo bastam, khodafezi kardam… Dar maghsadam makanamo reserve kardam, va ghadre chizi ke bayad tark konamo fahmidam…ba donya mashverat kardam, midunam ke azadam…ama….ama age hamechiz enghadr roshane, pas chera dar ghadame aval mayus misham?                                                                                                                                                                   Minevisam, harchizi ke daramo minevisam. Neveshtan mesle ye darmane, baraye adame salemi ke khodesho azab mide.  Midunam mitunam harchizi ke bekham be dast biaram, che paradox, na? Chon harchi azadi bishtar mishe, tanavoh entekhabo baram sakhttar mikone. Va Vaghti mibini ke kamkasi juri zendegi mikone ke to mikhay, tasmim migiri khodet beri jolo, marzharo beshkuni, are, ba har zakhmo sakhtiyi ke dare. Dige kasi vujud nadare ke masuliato ghabul bokone. Harchi umad…umad! Masuliatesh ba khodet!  Tarjih midadam sarneveshtamo bezaram dar dasthaye kase digeyi ke betunam tekye bedam ya taghsiro bendazam gardanesh, ama baraye in sadegi ziad ketab khundam, vojdanam nemizare – suestefade az eteghad baraye rahat budan? Sare khod kola gozashtane!                                                                                                                                                                                    Hey say mikonam ye juri tozi bedam ke sarharo tekun nadan, ama harvarish ke mikonam khun azesh miad! Say kardan bimaniye,amal  bayad kard! Say mikonam ke amal bokonam, dore khodam micharkham, ama ruham tondtar az jesmam midoe! Bazi mogheha delam mikhast ke baraye chand saniye puk mibudam, ke esterehat konam. Varzesh mikonam, mikhabam, ghaza mikhoram, mikhandam…ke jesmam ghavi beshe, ama engar sebghat gereftan az ruham gheyre momkene… 

Bezar khodamo moarefi konam, kutah va mofid. 

 Bande, ostade honare sarkub va farar 

Khahesh mikonam zanu bezanin!

Joloye akharin peyghambare enkare nafs istadin!

VAY! Hamechizo mibazam, dar 3 saniye! Hamechizro mibaram dar 3 saniye! Tasmimha – dar 3 saniye! Dar madreseye neyrangi dars khundam, hamechiz kheyli ghashango khub pish mire ta vaghti ke shak nakoni…ama…Vay behalet agar shak koni…hanuz ghasre kaghazitro tamum nakardi ke yek dafe nafas mikeshi va borje bablon dobare mishe 52 barge pasur…                                                                                                             

Che jaleb…Azadi shode gorogane man, lahnat va barekate man!

                Akharin jomle bayad kilide in moama bashe…mizaram to, haghightae ziba, agar mituni….benevisish!

?

Ich hätte nie gedacht, dass ich so viele Fragen an mich haben könnte…

Hichvaght fekr nemikardam ke enghadr soal az khod dashte basham…